Here is the hash trash for the 701 run…Sorry about the delay.

 

If hash number 701 is a predictor of the sort of quality trails that we can expect with Lick My Trunk as the new Grandmaster, we should all begin to consider picking up a new hobby…something more entertaining like basket-weaving, scrapbooking, or bi-monthly rectal exams. 

 

The pack gathered in a parking lot for the Schuylkill River Trail somewhere outside of Pottstown.  There was a circle, led by Trunk, which included some obscure instructions about abiding by the fluorescent yellow signs along the trail, whatever that meant, and the hares were off…sort of…Trunk and Needle Dick were given a head start in recognition of their live haring, which Trunk wasted in the parking lot playing with his shoes, his car keys, himself…everything except running and laying trail.  Finally he managed to get running in the general direction that Needle Dick took off in….with the pack in hot pursuit.

 

The first third of the trail was flatter than a professional gymnast.  We ran straight down the paved trail for miles…and miles…and miles…or maybe it just seemed that way.  I am sure that Trunk will protest and blame this travesty on his co-hare Needle Dick (virgin hare).  And he should.  Somehow I am sure it is Needle Dick’s fault.  The only excitement brought to the first portion of the trail was those yellow signs that Trunk referred to in circle.  Apparently the trail is adjacent to a shooting range for law enforcement.  The signs indicate that if you venture off the trail you risk the very real possibility of being shot.  Leave it to Trunk to mix business with pleasure. 

The first beer near was under 422.  Nothing much to report…beer was consumed and, after a few minutes, the pack was off.  A short time later, we come upon a check where the trail actually diverted and led to another beer near – this time at the Douglassville Hotel.    Again beer was consumed and the two beer checks, so close together, did seem to mollify the pack.

Now apparently Trunk and Needle Dick had gotten bored with the trail going straight down the Schuylkill River Trail, because after the Douglassville Hotel they really switched things up a bit …Now the trail went straight for miles…and miles…and miles…or maybe it just seemed that way… down railroad tracks.  Déjà vu?  A train passes and everyone is beginning to wonder, “Where is the beer?”  From the left-hand side of the tracks, Just Bob yells out “beer near”, and the pack starts wandering in his general direction. 

 

So the pack is all standing around next to the railroad tracks because there is a really steep embankment down to a river, and a tunnel underneath the railroad, where we all know that the beer has been cleverly hidden.  Realizing that the rest of the pack is lazy, Just Bob starts sliding down the steep bank and after a few minutes we hear him yelling, “BEER!  There is beer down here.”  Good job, Just Bob…we will just wait here at the top and you can carry it up to us.  At that moment, someone else standing around at the top of the yells “COPS!” and the pack is barreling over the side of the cliff like lemmings going for an afternoon swim.  Well, it worked out OK because the cops were avoided, the beer was down there, and apparently so was the rest of the trail…

 

Now at this point, I think that perhaps Trunk and Needle Dick got the motto of hashing confused.  I thought that we were 'a drinking club with a running problem', but apparently they thought it was ‘a drinking club with a swimming problem” or maybe they want us to all start training for triathlons.  I don’t know.  But the last third of the trail was spent walking straight for miles…and miles…and miles…or maybe it just seemed that way… down a river.  Déjà vu?  I guess this was to compensate for the complete lack of shiggy at the beginning of the trail…proof that, yes, Trunk and Needle Dick are compensating for something….

After our three hour cruise through the fetid water, the trail finally left the creek bed and headed through neighborhoods to Lick My Trunk’s house for the après.  Trunk and ¾ of the hash left to do car backs while the remaining hashers taught Trunk’s horrors some new words and introduced them to the world of malted beverages.  The pizza was delivered and the circle was conducted. 

 

Thank you Lick My Trunk and Needle Dick for a particularly shitty trail!